is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
