so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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