I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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