i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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