I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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