So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
