Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
