all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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