I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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