I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
