I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
