If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
