Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
