I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
