dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
