you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
