in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
