I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
