dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
