let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
