He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
