I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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