someone get that fucking seahorse.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
