Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
