Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
