i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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