I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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