p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
