I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
