Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
