Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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