I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
