So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
