The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize