pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
