I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
