I cockslap morals
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
