Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
