I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
