Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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