I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
