I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
