i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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