I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
