Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
