she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
