Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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