Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
