thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
