Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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