Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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