Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
