Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
