My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
