Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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