return my video game
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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