I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
