So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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