a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
