Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
