In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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