I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize