Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have already put on my inside pants.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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