you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
