We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
