I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
