dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to make out with him forever
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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