Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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