is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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