I bet he comes in French.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
