I hate your face
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize