I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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