What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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