Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.

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(972): View more from Texas

I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head

(770): View more from Georgia

Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you

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(906): View more from Michigan

I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.

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(518): View more from New York

Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.

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(206): View more from Washington

second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be

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(260): View more from Indiana

If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake

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(940): View more from Texas

You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.

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