He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
