Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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