Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
