tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
