What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
