Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
