is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
