Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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