im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize