You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My vagina just recognized that song.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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