There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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