So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
