i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I puked a lego.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize