Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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