I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
