God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
