im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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