So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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