The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize