are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
