I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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