I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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