glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
