I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
