remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
