Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize