can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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