my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
