it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
